The pain of loss
by starlightlove
Summary: How will Yatens illness change the life of the ThreeLights?


Hiyaz! This is a one chapter, one long chapter fiction that I wrote for my friend...she died cause of leukemia. I do hope you like it. The things that I wrote in this story are the things that I felt myself. My own feelings.  
  
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+The pain of loss+  
  
If you have read my other fics, then you know who Dancer is. If you havent, than I suggest you do. But just incase, SailorStarDancer(Kelly) is a starlight that I made up. But in this story, Kelly is the starlights sister...kelly kou  
  
This story is from dancers point of view  
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I walked to the window and looked out. Rainy day. For a reason I hate rainy days. Taiki likes them...very much. why? ask him not me. Seiya is so busy with Odango these days that I dont even think it's important for him anymore. Infact he's probably at the crown with her now. Yaten, well he's asleep. The times when he's asleep are the most peaceful times, cause when he's awake he's either in a fight with Seiya or nagging about how he hates earth and being an idol and the fact that he has to be a boy.  
  
It never bothered me much. The fact that they turned to boys. I stayed a girl, nothing could change my phisical appearence. I'll never change to a boy like my "brothers". Actually not brothers but were so God damn close, everyone thinks we are. We arent.  
  
I opened the window as the small raindrops hit my skin and runned down my face in tiny rivers, cooling me down. I turned around as I heard Yatens voice behind me. He stood with one hand on his hip.  
  
"You really shoudnt do that, you might catch a cold."  
  
I laughed and said:  
  
"With tiny raindrops running down my face? I dont think so. I see you woke up early."  
  
"It's 9 o'clock."  
  
"Early for you."  
  
He shrugged and left the room. I closed the window and followed him to the kitchen. He took out a cartoon of milk from the fridge, and slammed it's door.  
  
"Jeeeeez, who got up from the wrong side of the bed?"  
  
"Have been talking to Seiya too much lately?"  
  
"Nope. I just like to bother you cause you look cute when your mad."  
  
He glared at me and set a bowl on the table, filling it with milk. He then took the cereal that Seiya had probably left on the table after breakfast and poured some in the milk. He sat down and looked at the back of the box of cereal. I sat down with a bowl and reached for the box of cereal. He held it away and said:  
  
"Let me read what it says!"  
  
I made a face and said:  
  
"Great, I can starve to death as long as you read the stupid bullshit writin on the back of the cereal box."  
  
Just then Taiki walked in and said:  
  
"Do we have to go threw this even when Seiya isnt home?"  
  
Yaten handed the cereal box to me and continued eating his cereal. I poured some in the milk but didnt touch it. Yaten scraped out his bowl and put it in the sink. Just as he was leaving, Taiki grabbed his arm and asked:  
  
"What did you do to your arm Yaten?"  
  
Yaten held out his hand and said:  
  
"I dont really know, must have bumped into something."  
  
I stood up from my chair and walked towards them. I took a look at Yatens arm just above his elbow. A big purple bruise covered it.   
  
"It looks gross."  
  
Yaten looked at me and said:  
  
"Thanks"  
  
"Dont mention it."  
  
Taiki took Yatens other hand and looked at it. He asked:  
  
"Have you been walking around with your eyes closed Yaten?"  
  
There was a bruise on Yatens other hand, like the last one. I ran a hand down his neck and said:  
  
"There are also some pinpricks on your neck and collerbone. Yaten what the hell are these?"  
  
"I have no clue, but I'd like to go to my room now and fininsh the book I'm reading."  
  
He walked up the staires leaving me and Taiki cunfused.  
  
Yaten sat on his bed and pulled up his jeans. More purple briuses covered his calves. He pushed down his jeans and covered the ugly bruises. Laying down with the thought that they would get better in a little while, He picked up the book from his nightstand. Before he finished the tenth chapter he heard Taiki put up an appointment with Dr. Edwards. Probably the flu or something, nothing more, nothing less...murmured Yaten before turning the page.  
  
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The next week it must have been around 4 when Seiya, Taiki and Yaten came home from Dr. Edwardses office. Yaten didnt even answer my hello, he stormed up the stairs and into his room and slammed the door behind him. Moments later, His cries could be heard.  
  
I turned around to Taiki and Seiya with a frightened and questioning look. Seiya sighed a shaky sigh and Taiki said:  
  
"The doctors said that theres a chance, just a possibility, that Yaten might have leukemia.   
  
Leukemia. What a gentle, delicate sound. Like a girls name. Some lovely, exotic young women with wind tossed hair.   
  
I stared at Taiki, then Seiya then I looked back at Taiki. Neither said anything. I said:  
  
"It's cant be that. Why should it be? Dr. Edwards cant just say such a thing."  
  
Seiya said:  
  
"Kelly, he took a blood test and he said that theres a possiblity althouh, he's 60% sure."  
  
"Thats nothing!"  
  
That was all I said before I stomped up to my room and shut the door.  
  
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From that day I never saw you much. You were always in the hospital or locked up in your room. Our you had come to drink water with one of your pills. The green ones, the ones you hated. You always gave them a weird look before gulping them down with a glass of water.  
  
It was one morning very early when I heard your scream. I ran to your room. So fast as if there was no tommorow. I opened your door to see you standing infront of your mirror. great clumps of Silver hair covered your pillows. A brush was in your hand. It's teeth were clotted with heavy snarls of silver hair, and trailing wisps drifted away on currents of air. Seiya jumped out from behind me and panicked:  
  
"What-  
  
He trailed of at the sight of Yaten staring at himself in the mirror. Taiki appeared behind me. I looked at him and he looked at me. He seemed so calm, I felt like slaping him. How could someone be calm at this moment?  
  
Yaten slid to the ground and pulled at her hair screaming and shouting "Why me?". His hair came out in large amounts in his hands. Seiya ran towards him and grabbed his hands. He said:  
  
"Yaten stop it, Dont be stupid, you know this isnt the worst thing."  
  
Ofcourse it wasnt, but that silver waterfall of hair, gone?  
  
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You wouldnt go out anymore. The news had spread in the newspapers. "FAMOUS IDOL SUFFERS FROM LEUKEMIA" fans that were worried had tracked down our house and they were always behind the doors, trying to get a glimse of there favorite idol.  
  
I hate it. I hate all of this. Taiki telling the fans to go away with a cross look, the other scouts coming here and wishing you your health with eyes full of tears, even Haruka. The cries that would come from your room , the scary thoughts that come to me at nights when I lay in bed and the people saying that you would get better. The liyeing. Thats what I really hate.  
  
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It was around the last month. Your skin had gone yellow covered with big bruises. Your eyes had lost there shine and the skin around them was black. Your worst fear those days were bone marrows. The time you had your first one, you came home looking like hell. When I came to your room to keep you some company, you told me:  
  
" It was a fiercely searing pain. It shot threw me like fire.sweeping down my spine, burning along my arms and legs. It lasted only a minute, but I hadnt even expreced that pain when fighting."  
  
I wont ever forget that moment. You didnt even look at me as you talked. You just stared at the ceiling and cried silently. I ran out of the room and sat behind the door criyng. I couldnt take it anymore. Our house was a mire of worry, scolding and disappointment. I was rense, frightened, tired and sad all at once. No one had the energy for extra, impractical things. A demon always haunted our house.  
  
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I woke up in the morning with Taiki and Seiyas shouts. I quickly threw over the covers and pounced out of bed. The garage, thats were the sounds were coming from. Moments later the sound of an ambulance joined Seiya and Taikis shouts. When I ran down into the garage with my pajamas, I saw them take Yaten into the ambulance. Then they jumped in as well. I ran to Seiya and said:  
  
"Whats going on?"  
  
His eyes were red and he was shaking. I shook him and shouted:  
  
"TELL ME!"  
  
He said:  
  
"Yaten isnt breathing."  
  
I stopped shaking him. The ambulance sped off and Taiki yelled at us to hurry. I sat in the car. I still had my pajamas on. I was still shocked. Too shocked to cry.   
  
They took you into a room and the doctors all followed. They wouldnt let us in. We stayed in the waiting room. Seiya went and bought clothes for me. I changed and went back to the waiting room.  
Taiki walked from one side of the room to another. I sat down on a chair staring into space and Seiya had burried his face in his hands and was sobbing.  
  
Then a doctor came. Taiki and Seiya looked at him. I didnt. I was still staring into space. I wasnt listening to what the doctor was saying at all. I was drowning in my thoughts until the doctors last five words pulled me out of them.  
  
"Theres nothing we can do."  
  
That was when everything went black for me.  
  
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I stood between Haruka and Usagi, staring at your grave. It was all like a game to me. This didnt seem real. None of it did. I turned to look at Seiya, He was crying silently. Taiki hung his head so that I couldnt see his face but his shaking figure was proof that he was also crying. The shock and disbelief that had built up inside had dried my tears. All I did was watch. All those hopes for the future and hopes to find the princess...all the wishes that he had...all gone?  
  
The others left but I didnt. I screamed and screamed until they all left. Then I sat on the ground and started to cry, moan, weep, scream anything that would take away the pain. The pain of loss that was squeezing my heart.  
  
It started to rain.  
  
How I hate rainy days. Now I know why. I sat there in the rain until I was soaked. Maybe If I sat here long inough, I'd catch a bad cold and dye. Then we could be together again.   
  
But that never happened. Seiya came and took me away. Took me back to the house that haunted me.  
  
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No one touched anything in your room. It's still as it was the day that you left. Your guitar is still by the wall and you bed is messed up. I just walked in onc eand picked up some silver strands of hair that you had left behind. I tied them with a green ribbon and put them beside the painting of you that I had drawn myself.   
  
Till the next month everyone was saying:  
  
"Have you heard the news about Yaten kou?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"You know the white haired one in the Three Lights."  
  
What happened to the Three Lights? Well they sang a song for you and that was it. How could three lights be three lights without you?  
  
I stood by the window and looked out. Again rainy day. I opened it and let the tiny drops of Rian run down my face. This time no one came and told me to close the window.  
  
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Well Thats the end. Review and tell me what you think.  
  
Sorry for doing that to Yaten. Dont kill me Yaten fans.   
  
Do not forget to review! They meen alot to me. 


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